Thursday, January 31, 2008

Tanner Update

315-- January 31, 2008 at 02:43 PM MST

We have just found out that Tanner has Influenza A. They said it gets worse before it gets better and we should plan on being here at least through the weekend! yikes. When we came in yesterday his lungs were clear, no cough...only fever, lethargy, pain. But starting at about 3 am, he started coughing, and by this morning his lungs were really wheezy. Now I (Megan) feel like I'm getting it too. So, they suggested I call my doc to get tamiflu to shorten the duration. I'm trying to find someone to call that in for me now.

Pray for Tanner, and our other boys. Austin and Noah need your prayers just as much. It is so hard for them to be away from us. I told Noah when we left for the hospital last night that I'd be back when he woke up. Why in the world did I say that?? I feel so bad.

Anyway, we'll update later.


Tanner Update

Tanner heading for X-ray. He doesn't feel good.

314 -- January 31, 2008 at 11:07 AM MST
Just a quick note to say that Tanner's AFP is 2!!

313 -- January 31, 2008 at 10:13 AM MST
Tanner has had an event full morning. High Fever, 39.9, X-Rays and now a VRP. I finally went to sleep around 4:30 this morning. With the sun up it is hard to sleep, so I am up for the day.

Tanner is on oxygen because his levels weren't up to par. He is being very patient, no pun intended, with what they are doing to him.

He is still on fluids and we hope for a better day.

Thanks for following our updates. I will post more later.


Jason - Tanner's Daddy ;)

312 -- January 31, 2008 at 03:33 AM MST
Good Morning! It is 3:00 am here is Utah. We are at Primary Children’s Hospital and they are giving us a room at the Inn as Dr. Book says.

When I arrived home today Megan and her mom were on their way back from Tanners pediatrician. Tanner has had a miserable day. They took him there because he just wasn’t feeling well. Tanner said that his throat hurt so that had his throat cultured. It came back negative, so it wasn’t strep.

Megan came home and placed an NG tube to give him fluids in hope to hydrate him. Way to go Megan! Well, this didn’t last too long. He was getting fluids for 2 hours from 6 to 8. We gave him about 12 oz which isn’t a lot. Well, he threw that up. Megan called our Pediatrician at 8:30 and asked him to call to Primary Children’s to let them know we were coming.

My father in-law Doug came during that 2 hour period and assisted in giving Tanner a Priesthood blessing.

We headed to the hospital in hopes that we wouldn’t have to wait a long time to get back to a room. When we arrived they took us back pretty quick. The ER was pretty full and they moved us ahead of quite a few people. That was truly a blessing. Tanner arrived with a 101.5 fever. We had given him Tylenol before we left because his fever was 103. It helped a little.

They took some blood from Tanner and ran their tests. Tanner has standing orders and the ER was waiting for them. Because of the standing orders, the Lab sent the orders to a different terminal. Anyways, after I kept asking they were able to find the labs and see what was up. So his ALT and AST are normal which means his new Liver is working fine. White blood count was 12. I will get a copy of his labs this morning. His sodium was just barely out of normal. Because of his anti-rejection medication, his high fever and being dehydrated, they want to make sure everything is okay because all of this can throw off his levels.

He is watching a movie right now as I write this update.

So after waiting FOREVER we have a room. This room is soooooo nice. Megan is sleeping on a pull out bed that is nice. We have a lot of room. We will try to take pictures for you to see. We have a nice view of the Salt Lake Valley too.

I will post more tomorrow. Dr. Book is going to make her way to see us in the morning.

Wish us luck and thank you for all of your prayers!

Jason – Tanner's Daddy

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

something like a poem, something like a prayer


my son called yesterday with distress in his voice, and my heart jumped in my throat, accident, illness?

no, he was worried at my reaction that he was dropping the poetry class taught by Andrei Codrescu, his other classes too hard, and that his one elective

how easy it was to assure him things would be fine, we who have had a few more spins of the orb around the flame know the score

there are bigger things, much bigger, and since I knew he might glimpse that bigger reality had steered him towards a man who could express limitlessness, and yet how could I argue that his many years desire to be fluent in a foreign language and the difficulty third year Russian was posing for him, was not equally a path to full human consciousness, and that what I find in poetry from here on the farm he might find in world travels and other cultures in a foreign yet made familiar language

anyway you combining Tanner and prayer in a sentence snapped me back to the concern in my son's voice, and how quickly I had assured him that it was OK (and after hanging up, glad he had thought enough of my advice to seek my permission)

we do a dance with our children and theirs, of loving them too much to not set them free, but you can never hug a child too often and I send Tanner one in my prayers

I love your new poems on baby, always appreciate the link, and send prayers to all your family to wrap a snuggly blanket against the chill. we can never let our hearts catch the cold

Phil Specht
posted at the BBB

I'd like to add just a few word about the "virtual" world: it is as real, as warm, and as giving as the "real" world, and I'm glad I don't have to live without it. jjl

Bayou Teche Two Step


Tanner update. . . . prayers, please

January 30, 2008 at 09:39 AM MST

Good Morning to everyone. I hope that all of you are okay and that things are well.

This is an update from Jason, so here it goes!

During the past couple of days, Megan has began to notice that Tanner has becoming heavier. I really haven't noticed that much. Another thing is that his belly is bloated or bigger. I wasn't that concerned until today.

Last night I was spending some time with Tanner and he was watching a movie. I would leave the room and he would call out "Dad where are you?" I guess he wanted to know that I was close and didn't leave. When I changed him, he felt warm to me. I wanted to take his temperature but he did not want me to. He told me "No! No! No!" I asked him if he felt hot and he said no.

Megan called me this morning and said that Tanner has a fever. I was hoping from last night that his temperature would go down. So tonight, Tanner and I will be heading to the Hospital for Labs. I am going to have them take his temperature while we are there.

I am scared. We have come so far when I look back, but yet we still have far to go. The first thing that comes to mind is liver rejection now. I am worried. Will Tanner be okay? Is his new liver okay? Will he make it to his 4th birthday? All of these thoughts are rushing in my mind and I can't find peace right now. It is hard to describe the feelings that I am feeling. Of course I have always been the type that thinks "worse case senerio".

I ask of each of you that "still" think about Tanner to take a moment and say an extra special prayer for this little guy. I am.

From the Father and Daddy of Tanner, thank you for ALL that you have done for us.

I hope to have good news tomorrow from his labs. I will post again tomorrow.

Jason - Tanner's Daddy

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

funny pictures
moar funny pictures


hattip to Renee ♥

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Monday, January 28, 2008


here need ends
desire begins
green tendril seeking light

pale root twines
heart in hand
handed over

broken glass tossed
against a deep velvet sky
a drunk and gibbous moon
careens all night

I wake with you on my lips
under my fingernails
dreaming in my veins

jjl 1/28/08

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Stumbled upon. . . . (click)

The Icelandic Phallological Museum is probably the only museum in the world to contain a collection of phallic specimens belonging to all the various types of mammal found in a single country.

Phallology is an ancient science which, until recent years, has received very little attention in Iceland, except as a borderline field of study in other academic disciplines such as history, art, psychology, literature and other artistic fields like music and ballet. .

Now, thanks to The Icelandic Phallological Museum, it is finally possible for individuals to undertake serious study into the field of phallology in an organized, scientific fashion. .

The Icelandic Phallological Museum contains a collection of over one hundred and fifty penises and penile parts belonging to almost all the land and sea mammals that can be found in Iceland. Visitors to the museum will encounter thirty eight specimens belonging to fifteen different kinds of whale, one specimen taken from a rogue polar bear, nineteen specimens belonging to seven different kinds of seal and walrus, and ninety three specimens originating from nineteen different kinds of land mammal: all in all, a total of one hundred fifty one specimen belonging to forty two different kinds of mammal. It should be noted that the museum has also been fortunate enough to receive a legally-certified gift token for a future specimen belonging to Homo Sapiens.

In addition to the biological section of the museum, visitors can view the collection of about one hundred artistic oddments and other practical utensils related to the museum´s chosen theme. .

Hattip to greensleeves



Friday, January 25, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Magician
Magnetawan, Ontario

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008


My corner of peace
lies simply at the place
our hearts intersect and
cover each the other

Words in the night
in the morning at waking
a voice you love
which loves you into light

Heart takes wing
opens into possibility
all future comes
quietly into being

jjl 1-20-08

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Friday, January 18, 2008

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Snow! 3 inches! At last!



Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn, he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, that these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

~~ Khalil Gibran

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Thank You Martin

So, today is Martin's birthday. And I'm glad this country acknowledges it.

But his birthday always brings to mind so clearly to me the first week that he wasn't. It was beautiful weather in D.C. that week. There was a Forsythia in bloom at my back door, and I spent the whole week digging it out, to replace it with a Mock Orange. I had a radio on the porch listening to the news of the riots as I sweated, disentangling the Forsythia's roots from around the construction junk the builders had buried next to the house.

My neighbor across the street with her doors locked was calling frequently, convinced that the rioters were headed our way. (Right, all the women in the neighborhood had to drive to the bus stop to pick up their maids ~~ was she expecting them to take taxis out from DeeCee just to get our little chicken sh!t ghetto?)

As I sweated, dug and pulled, and the sky was blue and beautiful, and 7th street burned and burned, I recall feeling so hopeful. At last they were angry, and standing up!

When I first came East, I worked in the personnel records dept of Hot Shoppes/Marriott. We had thousands of employees in D.C. mostly cooks, busboys, dishwashers. They bought furniture on credit from the stores on 7th Street. Whole house suites. The terms were very easy, the furniture crappy. But the monthly payments were possible even on a busboy's salary. The interest, outrageous, but at least you had a couch to sit on, a table to eat on, and a bed to sleep on -- for a year or two, until it fell apart. Then generally, they stopped paying. And went down the street to buy another set from another store. The owners didn't much care, D.C. had a really good garnishee law. The buyers were sometimes paying for two or three deceased suites as well as the currently useable one. Every time I'd filed another garnisheeing notice, I'd felt outraged. They were paying double or triple what the junk was worth in the first place. And yet I could see no way out for them, then. No one else would give them credit. They were doing what they could. But if I were angry, just standing helplessly by, how much more angry must they be?

And now, 7th Street was being burned! One could see the smoke from the burning city even from Maryland.

I pulled several bushels of construction junk from that hole, and dragged it to the curb. I planted the Mock Orange with much new dirt, and manure, and hope. And it flourished. And I always think of that week as the beginning, though I know it began earlier, with a man who would not have approved of the riots, but who had given the heart and the hope into the making of them and heart and hope did not end when he did. . . .

Thank you Martin.

This is a repost of a blog I posted on the Howard Dean blog in 2005



Monday, January 14, 2008

Sunday, January 13, 2008