The story of the kitchen god. . .

I always loved the Chinese penchant for scaring themselves to death, and then finding a way to recover from it. Ghosts, for instance, abound. But they are limited: they can only go straight forward or straight backwards. Therefore, to keep them from entering a building, all you have to do is put a screen facing the door. Since they can't make right or left angle turns, all they can do is leave, going backwards. Same for those little temples on islands in lakes: the crooked walkways keep the ghosts on shore. And if you're walking after dark and you hear your name called? It's always a ghost. If you don't answer, it can't get you.

Now, for the Kitchen God. At New Year's, it's his job to go to heaven and report to heaven what you and your family have been doing this year. At this time of year, on the streets, in stores, everywhere is found a wonderful kind of pulled malt taffy. Its purpose? You buy some, put it in front of the kitchen god (statue or picture), he chomps down on some, it sticks his jaws together, so when he gets to heaven, he doesn't have a chance to say anything bad about you or your family, and so, no blessings are removed from you and yours for another year at least. The taffy is pretty good, too, if you want to share with the Kitchen God. . . .



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