All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well ~~Julian of Norwich

Two Tanner Updates

February 15, 2008 at 08:39 PM MST PART 1

2 years ago today we were told that Tanner had cancer! This day has been very strange for me. I've been remembering what was happening 2 years ago. I did it yesterday too. Yesterday afternoon, 2 years ago, I noticed Tanner's belly was fat and hard. We spent the night searching google and worrying ourselves.

This morning, 2 years ago, I called the pediatrician and made an appointment for that afternoon. We spent the morning at Target buying fishy-crackers. I think I went shopping on purpose. I needed to be normal, something in me knew that our lives would be thrown upside down. I needed to just be ok. That afternoon we (Me Tanner, and he older brothers, 4 and 6) went to the doctor. He felt Tanner's belly and immediately knew something was wrong. He sent us downstairs for an xray. When we looked at it together he said "there's something there. He needs to get a cat scan." There was a huge snowstorm and they suggested going to the hospital 10 minutes away. NO WAY!

The children's hospital is only 40 minutes away, so that's where we went. I called Jason and told him what we needed to do. He came straight from work and met us at my parents house. My mom was going to watch the kids while we ran to the hospital. I told her we'd probably be late. Little did I know we'd be DAYS late! 2 years ago, this hour, we were in the ER with a sick and sad little Tanner. He'd gotten his first blood draw and IV. Many people had poked at and pushed on him. We were trying to get him to drink contrast for his CT scan. He would have nothing to do with it. So, they put an NG tube in him. It was horrible. HORRIBLE.

We got most of it in, when he pulled it out. I literally sat with him crying and struggling for nearly an hour, holding his arms so he couldn't pull it out. But, he did anyway! We begged them to let it be enough. We couldn't do that to him again. They agreed. I don't remember what time it was when we went back to get the CT. They gave Tanner versed and told us he'd fall asleep. It had the opposite reaction, he was SO AWAKE!

But at least he was calm and let them do the scan. We were taken back to the room. It seemed like no more than 10 minutes, it was almost midnight, when the Dr., who had red hair like Tanner, came back into the room. Sullen, with tears in his eyes, he looked at us and in a quiet voice, said "I'm sorry...it's cancer...it's called hepatoblastoma...and it's spread to his lungs." SHOCK. SILENCE. WHAT????????????????

How can this be? How can our baby have cancer? NO!!!!!!!!! Suddenly the tears hit and were completely uncontrollable. Sobbing...What??? WHAT???


They were preparing a room for Tanner. WHAT????WHAT????

A social worker came in and gave us a blanket for Tanner. WHAT????WHAT????

A nurse came in and we walked with her out of the ER, onto the Elevator and up to the third floor. WHAT????WHAT???

We are supposed to be going home!!!! They settled Tanner into a room. I laid by him in the bed and sobbed like never before. My whole body hurt. I cried so hard and so long that I got an unimaginable headache. The nurse, kindly, showed me to the inpatient pharmacy where I bought some Tylenol. MY BABY!!!! The morning before I had bought him a big toy piggy bank for his birthday that was 2 1/2 months away. Should I give it to him now? Will he still be here? That was the longest night of my life.

The next morning an oncologist, her fellow, and the surgeon came to talk to us. Tanner's cancer was the worst. His cure rate was close to nothing. We learned many months later that they left the room and looked at each other, so sad for this little boy that wasn't going to make it. They said chemo would be bad, but it might not even work! I asked her if we just took him home, how would he die? She said that his liver would most likely keep working, but the tumors in lungs would continue to grow and he would slowly suffocate until most likely an infection or pneumonia took his life. WHAT??????WHAT?????

* * * * * * * * * *

February 19, 2008 at 01:29 AM MST

So, the last update really was about those first couple days and our complete shock. To be honest, I still have a hard time believing my baby had cancer! This update is about everything good that has come since then. From the very beginning our family and our church family rallied around us. Even greater than that, Our Heavenly Father was with us. We could literally FEEL everyone's prayers. Admidst the shock, sadness, unkown, there was an overwhelming sense of peace. I am forever grateful for the real presence of our Lord. He never leaves us alone! Even Tanner, especially Tanner, was wrapped in the comforting arms of his Heavenly Father. We have met so many wonderful people and have been witness to miracles. Here we are 2 years later. Tanner is 2 1/2 months away from celebrating his fourth birthday! We didn't know if he'd even live to turn 2. We are blessed and forever grateful for all that we have been blessed with.

Love and hugs, Megan

Ally Update

From Ally's Mom, 3:19pm, 19 February 2008

Hi,

Things just keep getting worse today. The test results for her risk

level came back. She is high risk. This means more intensive therapy (which will now begin tomorrow), harvesting some of her stem cells to help build her up, and probably staying in the hospital for all of her treatment.

This is pretty much worst case for us right now, and we have a lot to figure out.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, we really need them now, when the tunnel with the pinprick of light has closed up for us.

snow bird

Ally Update

BRIEF UPDATE JUST IN ON ALLY:

From Ally's Mom, Tuesday, 19 FEB 2008

Ally smiled this morning!

It seems our plans have changed a bit. They are still looking to

start chemo this afternoon, but it also looks like we are not going

home this weekend. The doctor thinks we are going to need to keep her

in the hospital until her 2nd round of chemo, 3 weeks from now. We

were not expecting this, but we want to do what is best for Ally.

Her her blood pressure is the likely culprit.

Prayers for the parents too, eh?

Thanks ♡

frosty branch

A promise. . . A plan. . . A dream. . . A man. . . (and a woman)

moar humorous pics

Ally Update

Posted at 7:10pm, 18 February 2008

by Ally's Mom

It is always hard to update after reading all the wonderful responses

people write. The screen is very blurry. I'll do my best.

Ally's Daddy and I are soooo thankful for all of you. There is no

way, no way, we would be able to do this on our own. Everyone is

special to us, and we are especially thankful for those at our

workplaces covering for us and making us think everything is 100%

okay, even though we are not there (in reality we know the places are

falling apart without us! :)

On the Ally update: Her pain seems to be better under control today.

She is still holding on to our fingers really tight! We love it. She

has been sleeping since about 4:00, so that probably means she will

be up at 3:00 this morning for the day! That's our little Ally. She

had an echocardiogram this afternoon, and the results were okay. Her

heart is acting a little funny, but they think it is because of the

high blood pressure and tumor pushing on things. They will recheck

her heart before the 2nd round of chemo, so it is not something they

feel they need to monitor closely.

I'll be sure to let you know what is going on tomorrow.

Again, words are not enough, but thank you all!

Ally Update

Monday, 18 February 2008
From Ally's parents...

Good Morning Everyone,

Again, thanks for all the wonderful thoughts. I love reading them, and can't wait to read them all to Ally. It is comforting to know SOOOOOO many people are praying for her, thinking about her and loving her. Her Daddy and I feel the prayers and love as well.

Here is the news for today: We are still trying to control the pain. She seems more comfortable today, and has a super grip on our fingers! We are trying to give her some yogurt and other foods through her mouth. She is taking a couple of bites at a time.

We ARE starting Chemo tomorrow. She is uncomfortable enough and her blood pressure is not resolving so we are going ahead with it. The Chemo will take 3 days to administer, and after that, if her blood pressure is better, or they feel we will be able to keep it under control at home, she will go home. That puts us at Friday, Saturday or Sunday for bringing our little angel home.

We are still waiting for those one last test results to see what the rest of her treatment will look like, and she has a couple of other tests while she is here, but we are beginning to see a pin prick of light at the end of this very long and dark tunnel.

Thank you seems not enough to all of you, but it is all the English language allows at this point, so THANK YOU! for everything everyone has done so far. We love all of you!

We need to hold Ally in the Light...

SUNDAY, 4:13pm, EST
From Ally's parents...

Everything takes longer at a hospital than one would like. The epidural situation is still not solved. We have been trying to get her to sleep all day, and finally she has just fallen asleep. (4:00 PM) The trick was for her to shimmy herself sideways in the crib so she could stare at the computer screen displaying her vitals. Apparently her heartrate puts her to sleep.

She is still uncomfortable, and now her blood pressure is not coming down how they wanted it with the medication, so they have upped the meds. Her heart rate is also faster than they want. We are measuring her belly to check the tumor growth and if things do not improve soon the doctor thinks we might start chemo earlier than expected. She wanted to wait until the results came back to know exactly what kind of Chemo, but they might just go ahead with a general kind.

I'll be sure to keep you posted, and thanks so much for reading and caring about our little Ally!

ALLY UPDATE

Pic from Thanksgiving hospital stay (for tummy flu)


Yesterday, Ally's parents said the goal this week is to "fatten her up" before the start of chemo. The docs had given her some Pediasure, but she didn't do so well with that, so they gave her breastmilk (through her NG tube). Mostly, they are waiting on more test results (due later in the coming week), to learn the subtype of the kind of cancer, so that the chemo can be fine tuned for Ally

This morning we learned that Ally had another difficult night. Her epidural started to leak. While waiting for the doctors to come to fix that (which should be soon), they are giving her some morphine. But she has been uncomfortable all the same. Meanwhile, Ally is getting some more nutrients from an IV line that is full of vitamins and fats and good things for her.

Please keep the prayers and candle-lighting coming.
So very grateful, listener (Ally's Great Aunt) ♥

Candle page

News from Ally's Parents

15 February 2008

Just got news about Ally's tests. It does not look like it has spread to bone marrow or the liver! Good news! She is currently going for a bone scan to see if it has spread to her bones. The doctor said it is the kind of cancer they thought it was, and it is very treatable! We are waiting for more tests to come back next week to see what subtype of the cancer it is, so they can get the exact chemo for her.