Sunday, December 31, 2006
Rosa Luxembourg? Girls with steel-rimmed glasses, orthopaedic stockings and a pragmatic, anti-bourgeois attitude to fukking?
Rosa, did you ever lie
languid, small pearls of sweat
runneling between breasts
on warm spring days.
Corset loosened, soft cotton shift
blowing, longing longing
the way a young girl does
for that face, those hands
Those hands that will know
what to do, where to go
what to part? That tongue
slick with saliva, seeking. . .
Did you Rosa, did you?
Saturday, December 30, 2006
God!
I just realized that I LOVE being old!
My courtship dinners in my twenties:
Rock Cornish Game Hens, stuffed with wild rice
green beans in a cream of mushroom (soup) sauce, with slivered almonds
iceberg lettuce and cherry tomatoes and cucumbers in bleu cheese dressing
Brown-and-serve rolls/ butter
Vanilla ice cream with raisin sauce
Over and over and over
Even for an electrical engineer
I'm surprised he married me
Friday, December 29, 2006
First Light
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Frost Bite
The first night at the hospital
They DNR'd you against my will
at first, then explaining, I agreed
Ended the dialysis
removed monitors
the doctor when pressed
hard against the wall said
10% or 15% and left
Your fever was 103
your arm, next to me on the bed
was blue with cold
the pads on your fingers black
no one, no one but you and me
believed you'd make it through
that night, that morning
At two, I fell asleep (none for two days)
your arm between my two warm ones
one under, one over
And we met, as usual, at the
flaming star nebula
Even now, we often do
a poem......how you feel right now!
bag of groceries:
a little sad (cucumbers)
a bit of joy (light bulbs)
tender (hen of the woods)
trusting (aluminum foil)
happy (a cigarette lighter)
pensive (Cherry Garcia)
spiky (leeks)
huge hank of tired (cottage cheese)
settled (sourdough bread)
interested (dill)
lonely (yoghurt)
sexy (a bottle of Ouzo)
missing the triple creme brie
And haven't a clue what's for dinner.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Like to apologize to my faithful readers for all the nuttiness going on here recently (as in mood swings. . . .).
I lost my father in my twenties, a brother and a baby in my thirties, my mother in my fifties. Plus, along the way friends, lovers, marriages.
I thought I was an old and practiced hand at mourning. That I knew the steps, and just had to take them. . . .
And I have been feeling better. Some days, and for days at a time, feeling actually really good: hopeful, happy, even joyous.
Christmas day was a gift from the universe: mended 2 broken relationships, got signals for a new one, nothing happened to the car (which I've been worried about), had a glorious time with my grandbabies, and Stevie didn't sulk when I got home. The whole day I felt Edwin close beside me, approving, laughing.
And then bam! Lizard belly in deep mud day. The ache making bones burn, charring heart and soul.
I can only conclude that recovery is uneven. . . .
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A New Year
No resolutions ~~
The trick is
(perhaps)
to let your strongest
wave
coincide with that
speck of time
you're trying
to rub out
of your eye
just as
the 'possum
drops
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
you were blood
you were breath
now your ashes
stain my fingers
on their way
to your various
destinations
I want to
cry, (and do) but why?
I told you you could go
please
not to stay for me
only for you
for you,
I'm glad you went
The pain was easier for
me to watch
than you to bear
even holding my hand
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