Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
"This next story is a true story.
It concerns two of my favorite subjects:
industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts!
Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . .
The inventor of the modern foundation garment
that we women wear today was a German scientist
and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling!
This is a true story.
His name was Otto Titsling.
What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer.
It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."
Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.
One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.
Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!
Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!
Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.
Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."
"Oh, thank you!"
The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?
"Ohhh! Thank you!"
Posted by puddle at 5/30/2007 08:02:00 pm
Sailing to Byzantium
THAT is no country for old men. The young
In one another's arms, birds in the trees
- Those dying generations - at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unageing intellect.
An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there singing school but studying
Monuments of its own magnificence;
And therefore I have sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium.
O sages standing in God's holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.
Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make
Of hammered gold and gold enamelling
To keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
Or set upon a golden bough to sing
To lords and ladies of Byzantium
Of what is past, or passing, or to come.
William Butler Yeats
Posted by puddle at 5/30/2007 09:54:00 am
Monday, May 28, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
How fitting on this Memorial Day....I received this in an email from jc's father - I'm sure others of you have as well.
Judy's "real" obituary will appear in Saturday's Lafayette, Louisiana Daily Advertiser http://www.theadvertiser.com/app....dll/ frontpage
The one which you saw from the Murray, Kentucky Ledger and Times contained only the minimal information required to be placed by the local funeral home. Please share this information with her friends on the blog.
If for some reason it does not appear in the May 26th edition, check succeeding issues until you see it.
Judy Lynne Cadoret
MURRAY, Ky. - Judy Lynne Cadoret, 50, passed away May 13, 2007 at her family's home in Murray, Ky. after an extended period of declining health.
Judy was born March 20, 1957 in Rutland, Vt. to Warren J. (Jerry) Cadoret Jr. and the late Ramona (Mona) Cook Cadoret. The family traveled extensively, and Judy's childhood was spent in Louisiana as well as Colombia, South America and the Republic of South Africa .
She graduated in 1974 from Buras High School (Buras, La.) where she was editor of her high school yearbook. In 1978, she graduated Magna Cum Laude from Nicholls State University (Thibodaux, La.) where she had also worked as a Coach and Trainer for the Women's Athletic Team. Judy then returned to Buras High School as a Teacher (Art, Industrial Arts/Woodworking, and Health & PE) and was also Head Coach for the girls' basketball and softball teams and Assistant Coach to the girls' volleyball and track teams.
Four years later, in 1982, she moved to Lafayette, La. where her love of teaching continued and she found an outlet by helping her friends and neighbors improve their computer skills. There, she attended the University of Southwestern Louisiana where, in 1987, she acquired her second Bachelor's degree, again graduating Magna Cum Laude. At the time of her death, she had also partially completed her Master's Degree at the same university. Judy resided in Lafayette for 24 years. There she had been employed in the City Prosecutor's office as a Paralegal and later worked in the law office of Doucet-Speer as a Paralegal and Bookkeeper. She also held a Notary Public commission. Judy became a master of the computer and, in mid-1998, she formed a home-based computer services, transcription, and record-keeping business, which she maintained until 2006.
Judy was a sensitive soul who possessed a deep love of animals (especially her kitties, Xena and Gabby). She was also a champion of equality and individual rights who despised any form of racial or gender prejudice. Though preferring to stay out of the spotlight, she was politically active in promoting her beliefs through her graphic design work for candidates of like mind. She was a dedicated "blogger" and enjoyed debating political issues on the internet.
Judy was an accomplished artist
Denise | 05.26.07 - 11:33 am |
Posted by puddle at 5/26/2007 12:09:00 pm
Friday, May 25, 2007
A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical
value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
Posted by puddle at 5/25/2007 09:17:00 pm
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Posted by puddle at 5/20/2007 05:01:00 pm
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Posted by puddle at 5/16/2007 02:38:00 pm
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
May 12, 2007 at 08:45 PM MDT Tonight I was just sitting and Talking with Austin, our soon-to-be 8 year old. I could tell he was thinking. He said "do people buy stuff on tv?" I said "yeah." He said "maybe I could create a drug called Zonzula." I kind of had an idea of where he was going with this, but I asked anyway, "What would it do." With the hint of a smile he said "cure cancer." You know what? It wouldn't surprise me if he was the one who figured it all out!
Posted by puddle at 5/12/2007 11:05:00 pm
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Lost in the Forgetmenots tonight
A night I never imagined
A night without you in it.
Somewhere, real, in the world.
Drowning in the blue of their little faces
In memory that begins to hurt
And I want, forgive me, to pry
my eyes loose of the memories
my fingers from around the neck
of your soul
If you once were not
Not one thing I could have imagined
Why now that you are not
Can I not just let you fly
free of me, my longing?
Posted by puddle at 5/08/2007 01:56:00 am
I want to write you and tell you
how the peepers sound tonight
how their glorious sexifying
makes me want to be in your arms
To tell you of the stars
so bright you'd be amazed
I want to wait for the sweet
Honey, I'm home
To hear your voice
to make plans
to laugh and dream
I just want you.
Posted by puddle at 5/08/2007 01:23:00 am
Posted by puddle at 5/08/2007 12:40:00 am
Posted by puddle at 5/08/2007 12:20:00 am
Monday, May 07, 2007
The gibbous moon keeps watch
The beast, blood full of flowers
lounges in bower birds nests
Violets protest, the fern unfurls
its fronds; iris buds fatten
Peepers batten down, naked and wet
There is hope yet: find that girl, find that girl
Heart, out of season, out of reason,
out of hope. Hoping nevertheless, yes?
Posted by puddle at 5/07/2007 03:56:00 pm
Sunday, May 06, 2007
First greeting of the first violets
Followed by the elder full of bloom
and the honeysuckle foaming along
The pale luminescent green of the new dogwood,
flutters in the understorey
the dark translucence of the Redbud, greening.
The first crop of lion's teeth all blowsy
and fields gone gold with wild mustard
Mayapple poking up its charming green umbrellas
the flower you'll never find without hunting for it
All the apples but the eldest in full bloom
the old lady always waits
Spring has made it through another
winter. Go. Do likewise.
Posted by puddle at 5/06/2007 06:52:00 pm
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Posted by puddle at 5/05/2007 08:25:00 pm
Friday, May 04, 2007
May 2, 2007, 5:11 pm
Bush: ‘I’m the Commander Guy’
WASHINGTON, May 2–And you thought he was still “the decider.”
President Bush coined a new nickname for himself — ‘’the commander guy” — on Wednesday, as he criticized Congressional Democrats in a speech to the annual gathering of the Associated General Contractors of America, a construction industry trade group.
The man who last year proclaimed “I’m the decider,’’ in response to a question about whether he would fire Donald Rumsfeld as defense secretary, came up with this latest moniker in explaining why he vetoed an Iraq war spending bill that dictated a timeline for troops to withdraw from Iraq.“The question is, ‘Who ought to make that decision, the Congress or the commanders?,’’ Mr. Bush said. “As you know, my position is clear – I’m the commander guy.”
For the rest: clicky
Hattip to Renee ♥s
Posted by puddle at 5/04/2007 11:32:00 pm
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
This morning, reading one of my favorite blogs (see link next story down), I checked the comments, which led me to the closing of Utah's Republican convention (where I suspect my youngest brother was present). I decided to post the excerpt below. Then went looking for an illustration. I googled "crazy elephants" and on the first page, the picture from the book Why Mommy is a Democrat came up. Which wouldn't be unusual, except that it was the picture Julie had used for her blog entry. And had nothing to do with the comment I followed. Her entry was about her library training. . . .
Some days, the Universe is a very odd place to be. . . . Can anyone say "synchronicity"?
Posted by puddle at 5/02/2007 01:38:00 pm
Sunday, April 29, 2007 Convention ends with Satan and immigrants
CALEB WARNOCK - Daily Herald
Utah County Republicans ended their convention on Saturday by debating Satan's influence on illegal immigrants.
The group was unable to take official action because not enough members stuck around long enough to vote, despite the pleadings of party officials. The convention was held at Canyon View Junior High School.
Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.
In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do."
Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said.
At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. "by self invasion."
Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as "Joe," said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because "they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. ... If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do."
Senator Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, spoke against the resolution, saying Larsen, whom he called a "true patriot and a close friend," was embarrassing the Republican Party.
Read the rest here.
Hattip to Julie's blog.
Posted by puddle at 5/02/2007 12:51:00 pm